January 25, 2012

Thoughts on the Second Pregnancy

I'm not sure if anyone has ever told you this, but the second pregnancy is DIFFERENT!

Oh, everyone says that? Ok, nevermind.

But REALLY, it is different.

I'm not just talking about the whole I wanted to barf my guts out for 13 weeks and I already look 5 months pregnant thing, I am talking about how I feel about this pregnancy... and how everyone else feels I suppose.

With my first pregnancy I was so obsessed with knowing every second what was going on in there. "Today it got fingernails, hooray! baby has no more tail... today it might be sucking its thumb" etc. etc. This time is more... "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant! I forgot again." Understandably I am a bit more distracted as said first pregnancy has developed into a crazy toddler who occupies my every waking (and sometimes sleeping) thought. 

I also remember feeling this closeness knowing my baby was in there growing and dreaming about our future together. I feel bad even typing it, but right now I don't feel any real sort of bond. There are a lot of reasons why this is the case. I haven't really felt much movement yet so the connection from my body to my brain that says "Hey! there is something in there!" hasn't totally been activated. Seriously, seeing the ultrasound was a bit "Wow! whose baby is that?" Also, I think what I do feel this time is probably fairly similar to what I felt during my first pregnancy, but it pales in comparison to the kind of love you have for your child once they actually arrive. I am already having mom guilt about feeling like I am giving too much love to one child over the other, but I know it is just unrealistic to expect the kind of connection I have with Lily to exist before I even meet #2.

{Anybody in there?}

Another problem? I hate having to call this baby "it" and "junior" and "#2" and "squid" (again, don't ask). I want to know its name! This will get better in about 6 weeks when we find out the sex and can decide on a name. That will just make everything feel more real.

Lastly, the reactions from everyone else are a bit different. My family is super excited for this baby, just as excited as they were for Lily, but some of the shiny-newness wears off when it isn't the first time. All of my friends are excited too. I don't know how to describe it, things are just different. Also, I don't plan to have a shower for this one, because I already have all the stuff (and believe me, I don't need any more THINGS), but it feels kind of sad. Why shouldn't this baby have a celebration, you know?

All this boils down to is POOR BABY #2! Why doesn't mommy remember that you are in there!? 

But seriously, I am just looking forward to things feeling a little more real so I can enjoy the excitement and anticipation. I guess that is it, it just doesn't feel real yet.


  1. I honestly don't know from experience but from everything I've read, I think what you are experiencing is PERFECTLY normal.

    And for the record, I'm totes excited for you. :)

  2. You just took the words out of a post I'm writing at this very minute!!! I have felt the exact same way. I felt bad about calling our baby "it" so we started calling him Baby Fitz from the beginning because I just wanted to be able to identify with something. Ya know?? And I hear you about the lack of enthusiasm and excitement from famly/friends. I am writing on this topic now and hope that it doesn't offend people.

  3. Well, my family is beyond excited and I am having number #1. However, I feel very similar to how you do. There isnt movement yet, i can't make that connection. I forget I am pregnant untill I get a sore muscle or ache to remind me. I don't like calling it " it" either AND I felt the same at my Ultrasound staring at the screen wondering whose baby that was! I think we will both feel better in a month.

  4. Tara OurjourneyJanuary 25, 2012

    i could have written this my self. i posted something similar. I totally understand.

  5. Martha MetzlerJanuary 25, 2012

    well holy crap i've been out of the loop! CONGRATS! and from what i see, you're going to be the best mama to squid as soon as he/she gets here.

  6. Aww, i'm sure every mom goes through this! I think it will definitely get better once you feel the baby and know what you are having! I can see this happening to me too. :)

  7. Oh my sweet mama, I'm sure A LOT of moms, if not all, in your position feel the exact same way! I already think/worry about it & there is no baba in my belly. Though I kinda wish there was? Being a mom is hard & confusing... darn it! But then there is being a mommy too! It is like no other! Just please know, what your feeling is SO normal. You are such a wonderful mommy, & your babies are SO lucky to have you. Sending you the biggest hug....! Xo

  8. Aw, I just went though this exact thing. I did start to feel a little better once he started moving, and one I knew he was a 'he'. And really having a toddler around made it hard to think about much else, they keep you so busy! And then once they get here they're pretty hard to forget about, lol.

  9. i think about this a lot... i even tell parker "you'll always be my favorite." is that bad??? haha, i just don't get yet how i could ever love another little one as much as him. but someday, i will :) love your honesty!

  10. Hmmm, have you heard of the "sprinkle"? Mini shower to celebrate the second baby (and mama) with less stuff but equal love :) Can I throw you one even though I'm not a mama??


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