January 20, 2011

The Beginning of You

In August of 2009, your dad and I had just returned from a family trip to Spain and I knew I was pregnant. 

I don’t know how I knew, but I did. I just felt different. I was so excited, but I couldn’t say anything and it would be weeks before I could even try to take a pregnancy test, so I waited. 

While your dad was away on a business trip I went to the store and bought a fancy pregnancy test with a digital readout. I took the test and waited for the result…”not pregnant” it said. Instead of the disappointment I had been expecting, I felt myself thinking…the test is wrong. The next day I bought two more fancy tests. Not pregnant. Not pregnant. Nope, the tests are wrong, I thought, I know it.

Finally, the next day after your dad came home I told him what I was thinking.  I played it down saying, you know I took a test and it was negative, but I might take another etc. etc. I didn’t want to get his hopes up.  Then I bought one of those cheap little testers with the pink lines. I took the test and saw the first line form, the one that tells you the test is working. I didn’t really see much else.  Later on I looked again, maybe there was something there. The faintest hint of a second perpendicular line. I told your dad, he said maybe he saw it too.  I proceeded to take 3 more tests, each one with a stronger little plus sign.  Even though I had been so sure, I couldn’t believe it.   

You were here, you were on your way, and I knew it all along.

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